i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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