Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
