She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I FOUND THE LEGS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
