I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
