You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
