and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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