Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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