i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
