sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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