I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
