dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
