I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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