when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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