sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
