So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's the barista slut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
