if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
