I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
