me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
