tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
