Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
