3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
