you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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