Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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