On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
