so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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