Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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