I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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