hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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