I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
