Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
