Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
