I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
