genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
