Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
