If that was your dad, he is hot
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
