I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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