You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
