the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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