Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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