Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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