I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
