Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
