You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he shaved USA in his pubs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
