there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
