My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
