You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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