I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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