she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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