Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
