hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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