i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
