Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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