come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize