i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
