mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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