she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
