Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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