it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
