i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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