I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
