For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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