Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
