My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
