I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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