you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
