alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
